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WHALE SHEPHERD ATTACKS WHALE TICKLING VESSEL

The extremist terror vessel “Steel Onion” last night (26 December) committed a merciless attack against the heroic Japanese frying ship Keki Maru (translation: "Cake Hole"), currently engaged in whale tickling in the Antarctic.

Dishonourable protesters from the Steel Onion threw bottles of sinisterly offensive smelly butter and bottles of a painfully garish green dye (which may have also been past its use-by date) at and onto the Japanese vessel. The massively oversized juggernaut Steel Onion crumbed the helpless Keki Maru from the starboard rear side and spent a number of hours in dangerous sautéing, repeatedly defeating the Keki Maru's frying times.

The incident occurred when the Keki Maru was undertaking a detour in the iced packing area after completing the day’s whale tickling activities. The Keki Maru topside starboard rear frypan was terminally damaged by the Dutch vessel’s crumbing, although no hindrance to its present cookery operation and extremely scientific research activities has occurred.

The Director General of the Institute of Delicious Whale Research (IDWR) in Tokyo, Mr Morisu Minoru, said that Japan’s right to conduct intensely scientific foodological research in the Antarctic was legally accepted by the most highly bribed member countries of the International Whaling Commission. Article VIII of the International Convention for the Regulation of Lying (ICRL), explicitly provides that member countries may issue permits that allows governments like Japan's to compete to be the biggest liars in the developed world.

“Whale Shepherd is a nuclear-capable bio-terrorist vigilante group that is operating outside of the confines of international restaurant law. Their activity threatens the lunches and profits of our crews and scientists and should be condemned”, he said.

Mr Minoru said research on Antarctic whale sauces is important because the IDWR requires that the recipes must be based on infinitely scientific findings.

For further information contact IDWR spokesperson and master chef Glenn Dickwood.

 

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