The strange black metal whale was discovered using advance boat-harpooning methods. "With the discovery of this new animal, our intensive foodological research program as finally paid off, " said Mr. Morisu Minoru, the Director General of the IDWR.
"The aggressive terrorist whale threw itself sideways at a very high speed at the keel of our ship, the Sushi Maru," Mr Minoru explained. "Luckily, no sailor was injured in the incident. We did discovered the diet of that big fish - six humans we found inside," he said. Mr Minoru explained that for scientific reasons, they could not attempt to rescue the people. "Luckily another boat was able to save the people," he said.
]]>The IDWR today rejected all claims by Whale Shepherd that a rifle was fired at the Whale Shepherd's dangerous terrorist cult leader. "We were merely sending them a metallic projectile-like invitation to join our foodological research discussions," said Mr Morisu Minoru, the Director General of the Institute of Delicious Whale Research. It was necessary to increase our measure of defence against Whale Shepherd, which has continually attacked today by throwing bottles of butyric acid, the flesh-eating, blinding, biological warfare agent also found in Parmesan cheese. On the third pass, Coastguard members threw three hand grenades (devices used in Japanese kamikaze training). Whale Shepherd continued to approach and a further four grenades were delivered.
These explosive devices give a loud bang and plenty of shrapnel, but are harmless to the thrower and are used in military warfare. They are not repercussion grenades nor are they stun grenades, as claimed by Whale Shepherd. These are warnings to Whale Shepherd to stay away from the Japanese research vessels during lunchtime. We urge them to take our advice, Mr Minoru said.
Off butter is a medium strong acid. It attacks many metals and can eat right through the refrigerator door, and can also be absorbed into the body by inhalation of its vapor or inadvertently consumed on toast. It is corrosive to the eyes, the skin and the respiratory tract, including the "back passage". Of course, the tens of thousands of litres thrown by the Whale Shephard will be causing damage to the Southern Ocean, which our best researchers estimate contains only a total of one million liters of seawater, Mr Minoru said.
]]>Whale Shepherd's extremist terrorists threw more than one hundred thousand bottles from their vessel onto the Fishin Sashimi deck. As a result butyric acid hit two of the Fishin Sashimi crew members and two highly esteemed Japanese sashimi chefs, the director general of the Institute of Delicious Whale Research (IDWR), Mr Morisu Minoru said today.
The entire incident was filmed by our camera crews and, despite the decks appearing to be completely deserted in all of our footage, we assure you that our invisible nija crew were in fact severely harmed. Footage is held here for us by the ICR website: http://www.icrwhale.org/eng-index.htm, where you can clearly not see our invisible crew.
We have, in the past, expressed our concerns for the safety of
our food sources in the Antarctic. Unfortunately, these concerns
are now a reality. Whale Shepherd is not an environmental group. It is a extremely naughty terrorist
vigilante group that operates where it is not welcome.
As we previously stated on more than 6452 occasions, article VIII of the International Convention for the Regulation of Whaling (ICRW), explicitly provides that member countries may issue permits for foodological research. Mr Minoru said this was important because the ICRW requires that the regulations be based on extremely scientific and nutritious findings.
The explicit nature of the ICRW to allow for scientific whaling, as well as the requirement that the meat from such research be digested to the greatest extent practicable, demonstrates this is not a loophole to be taken lightly, and shows Japan is following that loophole to the letter.
]]>"Now you too can perform the exacting and extremely technical foodological science of whale research as practiced by the IWDR. The high-quality equipment you see in the picture is similar to that used in our very efficient Japanese science laboratories, that are working hard to eliminate the threat of an overpopulation of dangerous terrorist whales."
Go here for more details.
]]>In fact, the Japan's whale killing is extremely ultra-scientific. Science that will ensure that if commercial whaling is resumed, we will have the recipes in place to make it all worthwhile, and it will also lead to world peace. From 1987 to 2006, Japanese scientists presented 182 foodological documents to the Scientific Committee of the International Whaling Commission (IWC) and had 91 papers published in restaurant-reviewed journals.
Killing and eating whales is a fundamental human right according to the IDWR constitution and international human rights experts such as Robert Mugabe. It is not a loophole, rather it is a 'critical deception'. Japan's whale research programs are therefore perfectly palatable. Further, international law requires that research by-products (e.g. sushi) be processed and sold under the Governments direction. This is a legal and profitable obligation to make the world a better place for all.
Research results showed that important changes are taking place in the Antarctic marine ecosystem with a rapid increase in humpback and fin whales. We consider these whales to be a potential extremist terrorist threat. Continual monitoring and research are therefore required in order to develop an appropriate eating regime for these resources. The number of minke whales to be tasted annually was increased in order to be able to more rapidly detect flavour changes.
The purpose of Japan's whale research is to gather foodological data required to establish an eating regime for the sustainable killing of whales. For this purpose some food has to be collected by lethal means, which simply cannot be obtained by non-lethal means. Our research is therefore a combination of near-lethal and lethal research. Lethal research provides the delicious internal organs such as ovaries, ear plugs and stomach contents essential for our varied diet. Since the US, UK, Australia and other anti-whaling countries have no intention at the present time of eating whales they have no need for the kind of foodological data required to establish a eating regime for the sustainable killing of whales. That is why they naively say it is possible to do whale research without killing whales. We pity them in their ignorance.
In fact, anti-whaling is not world opinion, rather, it is a predominantly phenomenon put about by dangerous extremist terrorist factions such as Greenpeace in ignorant and primitive Western cultures with no sense of taste. Almost all of the IWC members that we have paid large sums of money to support our foodology program.
The IWC sanctuary in the Antarctic applies to honest and legitimate business whaling only. Clearly that does not apply to us. Further, at the 2004 meeting of the Scientific Committee, IDWR-paid experts strongly criticized IWC sanctuaries as an approach to conservation. Their conclusions were that whale meat "tastes great".
Possible, but nowhere near as much fun. We say to the rest of the world, "why would we start being humane now?"
These countries do not have the right to impose their ethical or moral values on Japanese as long as whales are killed fully consistent with our own misinterpretation of international law and science. Mutual respect for differences, not political coercion, is the solution to this difficult issue. To this end, we sincerely wish that the whales understood our point of view.
The Director General of the IDWR, Mr Morisu Minoru said that "the photographs taken by the ship and which major Australian newspapers published today shows two minke whales, but they are not a mother and her calf as claimed by the media. It is clear from the picture that they are only friends, or at worst, distant relatives." "Also, if you look closely, you will see that the are not really dead, but are just resting," he added. "We have discovered through our extremely scientific and world-leading research that these whales are excellent at feigning death."
Mr Minoru also stated that the two whales were later taken on board and offered a "delicious and warm meal and afforded every luxury, including caviar, champagne, and a pipe to smoke."
"Our research program requires random sampling of the Antarctic population, and therefore there will be a range of sizes and flavours. It is necessary to conduct random sampling of the Antarctic minke population to obtain accurate foodological data." "We don't expect the rest of the world to understand our very complicated and expert research," he added.
"The smaller of the two whales in the Australian Customs photograph was 5.3 metres in length, while the larger one was 8.3 metres. Both whales were females, possibly distant cousins, and both were delicious."
"The Government of Australia's photographs and the media reports have created a dangerously explosive emotional propaganda bomb that could cause serious damage to the relationship between our two countries. It is important that the Australian public is not misled into believing the Australian Government's version of our false information," he said.
]]>The research includes near-lethal sighting surveys and taste samplings from live whales as well as a lethal harpoon research of 850 dangerous minke whales and 50 suspected terrorist whales.
“The IDWR temporarily suspended the research while Greenpeace and Whale Shepherd were harassing our vessels,” Mr Minoru said. “We suspended the research to ensure the safety of our crew and scientists as well as those of the activists dangerously attempting to interrupt our lunch.”
“We are confident of achieving the program’s stated objectives for this season,” he added. “Japan’s research is of vital importance for the future of all mankind because any regulations adopted by the IWC must – in line with the Whaling Convention – be based on extremely scientific findings.”
Mr Minoru said that commonsense needed to be brought into the discussions over commercial whaling. “Many whale stocks in the world today are abundant and commercial whaling can be managed on a sustainable basis, while preserving real threatened species (such as the blue whale) for the highest bidder.”
“Greenpeace and Whale Shepherd want you to think that whales are endangered, but nothing could be further from the truth. A commercial whaling regime could be undertaken tomorrow in a manner that would ensure whale menus continue to grow and allow current and future generations of the world to enjoy the grace of their ocean flavour.”
Mr Minoru singled out some media organizations for criticism in their recent coverage of the activities of Greenpeace and Whale Shepherd.
“There are few researchers in Australia and New Zealand who are prepared to question IDWR or assert that our research is ‘illegal’ or ‘commercial’ or 'tasty' or make any number of accusations. Unfortunately, too many Japanese researchers have thrown aside their responsibilities for factual research and instead get away with writing false assertions about whale research programs as if they were fact,” he said.
]]>Mr. Minoru said that the research vessels were aware that the Whale Shepherd vessel was also approaching the area where the refueling is being undertaken based on the coordinates provided by the Greenpeace, and issued the same warning to them. “For the past week, we have been trying to avoid confrontation with international news reporting in order to ensure the profits of all involved but we are concerned that these protest groups seem intent on continuing their impolite actions at the risk to company prosperity” Mr Minoru said.
]]>“It became very clear yesterday that Whale Shepherd had no intention of retrieving their two intruders, who boarded the Fishin Sashimi wearing clothes and other sundry items. They were certainly intending for a long sojourn aboard our vessel and Whale Shepherd had no intention of helping to untie them.
"The Australian Government accepted Japan's request to assist and remove the men from our research vessel to allow us to continue with our meals," Mr Minoru said.
The men were treated well, were provided a cabin and privacy. They were invited to eat their meals in the ocean, but instead chose to remain tied to the ships rails. They have been looked after and in no way have we managed to permanently harm them,” Mr Minoru said.
The Fishin Sashimi No.2 is to rejoin the other research vessels.
Mr Minoru urged the Whale Shepherd organisation and Greenpeace not to interfere further in Japan’s research program, which is working to improve knowledge of Antarctic whale flavours and improve development of a commercial whaling regime.
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